Unseen

When I tell people I have PCOS, the instant reply I get is, "Oh, that’s okay, anyway, you don’t have any interest in having a child of your own." No, it is not okay. Just because I don’t ever want to be a biological mother doesn’t mean that it is okay to have PCOS. It is not just about infertility. Every day is a fight. Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean that they are perfectly healthy. Everyone is going through a fight that they don’t like to shout out to the world. How many times have I acted like I was okay just to make the people around me feel better? How many times have I been judged for my mood swings? How many lies did I have to tell to save myself from being called selfish, arrogant, and a troublemaker? How many postponements had I made to protect my mental health? That’s not okay! We all need people who love us for who we are, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We need people to understand us. I still remember one of my friends telling me, "All these are your acting, or you’re completely mad, otherwise, “how someone can be moody and in seconds how you can be okay?" How would I ever tell that person how much pressure I had put on myself to act better in front of everyone (those were the days I used to think I was difficult to love)?That was my biggest insecurity ever. How will I ever get over the pain I had when I couldn’t explain myself enough for them to understand what I was going through? I never considered myself at some point. I stopped feeling emotions. Everything looked normal, or I believed this was life. I used to blame myself for everything that happened in the world. I put on weight, adding nearly 23 kg. I have dark circles around my eyes due to not getting enough sleep. I struggle every day to at least make a small change. To wake up from bed, cook something, eat on time, and call friends. I fail every single time, but still, life goes on. Three times I went to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack, but it was my anxiety. Fighting alone isn’t easy when you don't have a battle to choose from. PCOS and PCOD are not jokes. If you don’t know what it is, educate yourself and be kind to people around you. Not everyone is okay with what they are going through, and no one can ever tell how much effort they are putting in to be normal. I stopped acting like normal because it’s boring! Cheers to my #NotBeingNormal life! I am 1 in 10.